No matter how old I get, I always seem to be waiting for the day I finally grow up.
We spend our childhood looking toward all these mile markers — driving, graduation, college, marriage, parenthood — believing that once we pass a few of them, something magical will happen.
We’ll grow up. We’ll know things. We’ll FINALLY arrive and stop feeling like we’re just guessing our way through life.
But here’s the secret no one tells you when you’re young:
You never really grow up. … At least not all the way. Sure, you age. You get larger … taller … wiser in some ways, tired in others. But truthfully, the older you get, the more you realize how little you actually know.
And the more you realize you’re not alone.
The big secret in childhood is that no one ever really warns you that you never really grow up completely … no matter how old you get. I’m convinced even the oldest and wisest among us still have moments where they still feel 16 again, a little unsure and a little lost. Most days, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. I am literally just “winging” my way through life. At least once a week, I would give anything to call my mom (who’s been gone over 10 years now) and ask her to come over and help me fix my life.
Some days, my kids call out for a grown-up, and it takes me a minute to remember —that’s me. I’M the grown-up. And like so many other “grown-ups,” I still look around wondering how in the world I got here — But here I am. Trying. Failing. Guessing. Growing up. Hoping I’m choosing right. … And occasionally glancing over my shoulder to see if a ‘real’ grown-up is coming to save me.
Spoiler— they’re not. It’s us. It’s always been us.
– Mackenzie Free –
Wife, mother, photographer & current resident of the unassumingly magical town of Steele, Alabama
